No longer the only one.

I am so happy to be expecting again and I cannot wait to add to our little family. Siblings have such a special relationship and we’re so blessed that we’re able to give that to Little Knight. She will really love being a big sister. She is such a kind and gentle little girl and I am beyond excited to see her with our own baby.

However, the whole point in this blog is that it is an outlet where I can be completely honest and as excited as I am, I can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness for my girl. My beautiful first born. The darling who made me a mama in the first place! Everything has been about her for so long and I feel sad for her that things are going to change so much. She’s not a spoilt child in terms of stuff (though she definitely doesn’t go without) but she is with attention!

She’s going to have to share me and I feel so sad thinking about her wanting me to do something and she might have to wait. I know a lot of people will say it’s good for her to learn all this and blah blah blah but she’s still so very little.

I feel almost selfish for wanting another baby and putting her in this position. In her world, everything is lovely how it is and we’re going to change everything. In my logical mind, I know she’ll love having a sibling but that doesn’t stop me feeling guilty about making her adapt to this. Being pregnant is hard work, I can’t run after her like before and climb around soft play and she doesn’t understand why.

We have ‘big sister’ books and we talk about the baby a lot and she’ll kiss my tummy but she’s still so young and I know she doesn’t really understand what’s going to happen. We’ll just drop her off at Nanny and Grandpa’s with no idea when we’ll pick her up. She’ll have the best time there but I will miss her so much.

When she does see me again EVERYTHING WILL BE DIFFERENT. This new baby will be here and needing so much from me and from then I won’t just be her mama. I’ll be two little people’s mama.

When the baby is born and people come to visit I worry that she won’t get any attention. The little baby won’t have a clue but my big girl will and I can’t bare the thought of her feeling left out.

I know the hormones aren’t helping. I’ve said ‘sad’ like 16 times but I can’t help it. It’s the only word that seems to fit!

Please let me know if you feel or felt the same and that I’m not the only one! Obviously we are all really excited to have this baby and I’m so happy to be pregnant! It’s just the combination of crazy hormones and the dreaded mum guilt. In reality, I’m confident that my girl will thrive and really love being a big sister. She’ll have a best friend for life. I’m sure they’ll enjoy moaning together about how annoying and embarrassing their parents are!

Thanks for reading,

Knight Mummy X

One thought on “No longer the only one.

  1. Pingback: For the new big sister. | Knight Mummy

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